The e-learning room.

The library.

I wish I was a better person, could face this head on, seize the day, seize the rest of my life and makes everything just sit perfectly. I'd thought it through, looked into the situation, and all I could see were bleak times. I wasn't like that. I was the woman who always sees the bright things. The woman who was always making the people around me smile and made sure they enjoyed my company. But it's hard now. Harder that only minority understands me.

When I see my late grandma lying there motionless, I bit down on my lower lip and dipped my head as I kissed her cold forehead. She wasn't going to be here in a few hours. In twenty hours. In five hours. Even in an hour. That was a horrifying thought, knowing someone you loved wouldn't see the future. Wouldn't see if I managed to get two sons or five daughters. Of course I wouldn't lie to myself. Not after the four nieces secretly read the nephew's sent message and cried. We wanted so bad to see how a sixteen year old guy replied sweet messages to the girlfriend and tickled about those. But instead, we were left in tears. We all love her and we are all trying hard to hide those sadness. Hide.

What was I thinking? I was thinking if one day I'm gone, would everyone around me say that I am a good person? A good daughter? A good friend? I don't know. I felt so helpless when I couldn't make my very own friend smile. Hate myself for sucking in organizing my own time. Worst, giving up on friends who choose to complain and complain and complain and ended up in the old same shit hole.

Misunderstood is acceptable, but to misunderstand without thinking, sigh. I wish I was a better person.

Adeq NirahLOVE Ailah AishaLOVE AllyLOVE AmaliaLOVE Basic Dee DeeanaLOVE Dalilah Didi Dirah Drubilee Eeqaz Efa Efni Emily Enn Evelyn FanaaLOVE Farah Nadya Farhan Farhana Fi Firah Fir FreshPoisonLOVE FylzahLOVE Gino Hafeezah Hajar HanisLOVE Ida Ideso Illa Intan Irah Kak Nanie 'KynLOVE 'Lil AyunLOVE LiPing Luke Lulu Lyana Mally Malyna Mizahh Nadera Nanz Neni Dayana Nina NinieeLOVE NurulLOVE PradaLOVE Saq SayuriLOVE Snazzie ShabLOVE Shafiyani Shahidah Shahirah ShashaDollLOVE ShashaLOVE Shaz Shidah Shif Shikin Siti Raudy Waany Yong Sheng yraJANE YuhteeLOVE Zac Zareeza

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